Ten Guilty Pleasures
People generally have their own guilts time to time and so do I have one....no, I've ten of them. Guilts sometimes leave an impression of shame and sometimes it's so much intentional that it has its own pleasure. One of my guilts, I remember, spreads a genuine smile on my face when I think of the lady gardener from whose garden I stole some of the guavas and in return she tried to shot me dead with a knife; I'm only alive today and writing this post because of her poor aiming ability. Thank god.Let me tell you guys some of the guilts that I own and haven't revealed it to anyone yet.
(1) When I first stole money
I was 7 and I needed some money, approx. Rs. 5, and I stole it from my dad's pocket. He never knew as I didn't tell anyone, not even to my friends because I was afraid of being caught. It wasn't about being sorry or Dad would have scolded me but the shame of what I did at that weak moment and earned a tag of thievery. I am not very proud of the deed but whenever I think of it now, it makes me smile a bit as it was a very small amount and I could've asked for it but still I preferred thievery. Childhood is something when you take decisions for you and then forget about it but in teenage when you recall such memories you either find it funny or you feel guilty.
(2) When I first acted innocent in class
I was in standard 8th and I had been assigned to draw the world map by my geography teacher. It was obvious that no one would like to draw something which is already a mess and so did I.
Next day in the class, I don't know how come he chose me, my teacher came to me and asked for the homework and you won't believe me but I myself did it. Before he could reach me, I knew his intentions so I tore at least five pages of my geography book which contained the maps and when chewed them. When he arrived to me I acted that it was already like this and the shopkeeper of the bookstore sold me this worn out book which didn't contain the essential pages that is why I couldn't complete my homework. He didn't believe me but he left me because I never lied before and I was seriously nervous and he sensed that. He left me only with a warning that he won't tolerate it next time. Well, the next time didn't come but it is in my memories still. I should have drawn that map because now I am an editor and I've got an offer for editing contents of a map for a map-making company. :))
(3) When I first scored 100 by cheating
I wasn't very good in Maths even when I was in 10th standard. My tuition teacher was very curious in searching our brains for solutions of typical mathematical problems so he set a 30 days test for 2 hours each day so that we become fast enough to complete our test papers in the examination hall prior to time and don't miss a single problem under the excuse of less time.
I was the only who was really scared as I had no intentions to become an engineer since my childhood. I decided to check his PC for the question paper when no one was there.I cracked this password, thanks to my cousin brother who taught me how to crack PC's passwords, then I ticked all the questions in my book and shut down the PC as if nothing happened. The next day I was really damn good prepared for the exam and this time I scored 100%. Everyone was shocked and amused by my performance and this continued; I got 100% five consecutive times. My teacher praised me a lot by now I admit that it wasn't a deed to be praised. But, of course, it brings a filthy smile on my face when I think about those days.
I wasn't very good in Maths even when I was in 10th standard. My tuition teacher was very curious in searching our brains for solutions of typical mathematical problems so he set a 30 days test for 2 hours each day so that we become fast enough to complete our test papers in the examination hall prior to time and don't miss a single problem under the excuse of less time.
I was the only who was really scared as I had no intentions to become an engineer since my childhood. I decided to check his PC for the question paper when no one was there.I cracked this password, thanks to my cousin brother who taught me how to crack PC's passwords, then I ticked all the questions in my book and shut down the PC as if nothing happened. The next day I was really damn good prepared for the exam and this time I scored 100%. Everyone was shocked and amused by my performance and this continued; I got 100% five consecutive times. My teacher praised me a lot by now I admit that it wasn't a deed to be praised. But, of course, it brings a filthy smile on my face when I think about those days.
(4) When I first hit on my friend's girlfriend
He never knew it that it was me who made the situation for his breakup with his girlfriend. I can recall that I was in 12th when I found that Virus had a crush on her and so did I. He knew about my crush but never knew that it was me who called her with his name and said that I liked her although it wasn't very successful but it worked in a peculiar way. She started talking to none of us. I didn't tell him that due to my mistake he was in such a bad situation. After sometime I found another girl and forgot about her but my friend is in the same condition and haven't left her thought still. I beg your pardon my friend she will not talk to you because of me. YOU CAN PUNCH ME. :((
(5) When I first told my father about my girlfriend
It wasn't obvious that my father was so curious to know about my living pattern when I was out of station for 2 years, studying in St. Xavier's College. If I hadn't seen him myself I would have considered it as a joke because my father never showed interest in knowing how I live. He only cared for me as a father but this time he was behaving like a friend. I got his letter in which he wrote that he wants me to become something good in my life so that he can tell everyone that his son is no less than others. He asked me if I wanted to say something to him and So did I.
I replied him through another letter, a letter full of sentiment. I knew that there are certain things that I couldn't dare to say face by face so I decided to mention those things in this letter. I told him that I loved to go in Internet cafes and surf internet for hours, I love him and mom, I wanted to become very rich, and ....I had a girlfriend who was actually our neighbor.
I thought that I'ld go in holidays to home and until then he would forget about the letter but to my luck, I dunno good or bad, he didn't receive the letter. When I reached home after a week in holidays that letter arrived in front of me and Dad read it. He literally wept and said that he didn't know that his son wanted to say so much to him. he hugged me.
It wasn't intentional but I hugged his back. This is not a guild but a pleasure always to recall such situations in memories.
(6) When I first wrote love letters for someone else
It was summer and the nights were so long. My roommate had a girlfriend and I was friends with her too. She was pretty and I wasn't sure what she looked in my dumbo friend. He used to take ideas from me to make her smile or surprise her. One day he came to me and said that he would write a love letter to his girlfriend everyday and asked me to help her. Two days later I realized that it was me only who was writing letters to her, those were my thoughts to her that I used to write in the letter. After a time she realized it too and we started talking over phone. Although we're only friends but this hurted my roommate. I tried to convince him but failed. It didn't spoiled their relation but it spoiled the flavor. He stopped writing, or rather say stopped delivering my written letters to her. I though he was jealous so I stopped interfering and it became fair for all. But the truth is that I am still friends to that girl and my roommate in no more in our lives. He's lost somewhere. It is not a guilt because I tried my best to settle them down but I smile on my victory over the affection. She guilts gives so much pleasure.
(7) When I used my landlady's phone for 2 hours and paid for only 45 mins.
I am that kind of person who cheats but I did it when I needed time to talk to my mom and I didn't have that much money. I fooled my landlady. She had a base phone at her PG from which we used to call and the bill used to arrive for 3 months altogether. I had very few money but I needed to call home urgently. I didn't tell anyone and talk for approx 2 hours and when Aunty asked for the bill according to the time I fooled her by saying that I called a Reliance phone and it costs only 50 paise a minute. My words were convincing that time and she only charged me for 45 minutes. After 3 months the bill came and she asked everyone that if anyone had called without paying but everyone refused including me. I saved money but still it bothers me and sometimes I feel that I should go there and pay her rest of the money. It sometimes seems funny and my friends laugh at it but, yes, it's still a guilt for me.
I am that kind of person who cheats but I did it when I needed time to talk to my mom and I didn't have that much money. I fooled my landlady. She had a base phone at her PG from which we used to call and the bill used to arrive for 3 months altogether. I had very few money but I needed to call home urgently. I didn't tell anyone and talk for approx 2 hours and when Aunty asked for the bill according to the time I fooled her by saying that I called a Reliance phone and it costs only 50 paise a minute. My words were convincing that time and she only charged me for 45 minutes. After 3 months the bill came and she asked everyone that if anyone had called without paying but everyone refused including me. I saved money but still it bothers me and sometimes I feel that I should go there and pay her rest of the money. It sometimes seems funny and my friends laugh at it but, yes, it's still a guilt for me.
(8) When I laughed at Virus' breakup
Now i feel that I shouldn't have done this as he was my friend but the story of his breakup was so much funny that I couldn't stop myself from laughing my ass off. He said it in such a way that it became a kind of proverb for me "I like her, she likes someone else and that someone likes someone else. Everyone likes someone else, why don't they love each other, huh?"
I still use this proverb but behind his back. Whenever he said something it came to me as a funny incident but this time he was serious and I didn't know it. I laughed at it so hard that I didn't see tears coming down on his cheeks. It was a very embarrassing moment for me but I didn't beg pardon. But now I think that I should have at least said some wonderful sentences from some of the romantic films to heal his wounds. It is a big guilt to me that I wasn't there when my friend needed me the most but the next time, if he has another breakup I'll be there. Sorry, Virus.
(9) When I first found that she loved someone else
Now it was my turn to have a kick on ass. I was on the same edge where I saw my other friends. I used to play a lot in the game of love but this time I was serious and she wasn't, at least not for me. I never thought that there can be a day when she will have a boyfriend and I'ld never know. The day came and she told me that she had a boyfriend and I was so shocked that I forgot about the friendship and started blaming her for everything. She wasn't to be blamed after all; it was always me who messed things and now it is the time that I should go back and admit that I was wrong. I can't bear this guilt anymore. I want my friend back and with the same affection to each other, no hard feelings. I really care about it.
This taught me that I should always think about myself first then blame anyone.
(10) When I killed my dream
It was 2 months ago when I actually tried to kill myself by killing my own dreams. I was devastated and there seemed no reason for growing, achieving something...or even living. I was only wondering why I lost her. Why it is only me who loses something regularly? Why it happens to me that if someone touches me or I touch someone his life also becomes messed up? I was frustrated so badly that I need some divine connection. Although I am an atheist but I went to temple and only sat there observing people for 7 hours. My roommates were so worried that they regularly tried to push me up but it didn't work.
Two days lated my mom called and I think she came to know about the situation from my sister. She, like a true friend, talked to me and convinced me that life doesn't end here. I have to live and complete my complete my goals. Then my dad took the phone and asked about her and then I suddenly came out of it. It was so good to know that I always had so many people, my own people, to care about me and I was finding love and affections somewhere else while it lay by my side all the time. My parents, my sister, my friends all of them were so concerned about me that I decided to look after myself and my career, and nowadays I am working to the best of my capabilities.
It is always easy to live and enjoy your life when you know that your own people care about you.
Thanks everyone for always being by my side.Regards,
Nikhil Roshan
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